i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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