YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
