Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
