When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
