her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize