my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
