One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
