32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize