No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
