I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
