the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
