someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I love how my cats smell like pot.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
