turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He better not be in your backpack
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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