Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
And the cops told us we were all naked.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize