New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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