i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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