4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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