I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
