Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
