Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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