I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
