If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dick very happy bro
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
