it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
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