he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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