The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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