I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
