wrigley field is MILF paradise
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
