If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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