the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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