i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
