if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
