So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
