This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
