i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
