I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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