just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
