how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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