i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
