in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
