with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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