ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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