Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
