You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
