so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
