why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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