2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
