like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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