did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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