They should really pass out barf bags in church
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
