watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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