"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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