After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Panties = found
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
