it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
