if you like me you must not know who I am
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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