Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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