I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
