she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
