He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
