I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
