i just had sex bonerless
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
