i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
