so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize