I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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