Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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